The Mole Men of Prototheria
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The following was posted on Facebook on January 25, 2016. 
What's the most surprising thing about Earth, in your opinion? . . I was certainly shocked to discover that you have a race of sub-terrain mole people living under your world!
It began, as it so often does, with an attempt to raid a UNECOM facility. This one was located outside of Zürich, Switzerland. Cop-Tur, Crasher, Screw Head, and I assembled in the Alps, and I ordered Screw Head to begin digging, intending to breach their defenses from below. What he discovered was far more impressive than any UNECOM weapons system... a vast series of interconnected caverns, populated by large, hairy, pinkish creatures, some ancient offshoot of humanity adapted for life underground. Mole Men!
Their level of industry and technology impressed me, so I decided to attempt to enlist them as allies We strode boldly forward into the vast stone boulevards, not attempting to hide our presence in the slightest. I proclaimed my friendship, and asked to be taken to their leader. I will confess I savored the taste of that phrase quite a bit.
I was brought to a vast Mole Palace, and brought before a monarch. Though he was as ugly as any of them, he was resplendent in fine furs and bejeweled from toe to crown. He introduced himself as King Talpidae, of the city of Prototheria, supreme leader of the Mole Men, and demanded to know why we had intruded upon his domain. I informed him that I was Lord Cy-Kill, leader of the heroic Renegades, and I came with a dire warning! The dreaded Guardians had learned of Prototheria's existence, and had forged an alliance with the surface dwellers to attack and subjugate the Mole People. This immediately caused quiet a panic, and I milked it for everything it was worth, playing to the crowd with dire warnings. They gasped, wondering what could be done, and I pointed out that there was only one thing TO do... strike at the surface, before the surface could strike at them. And, lucky them, they just happened to have with them a guide knowledgeable about all significant surface-dweller military instillation...
Soon, all over the globe, Mole Men emerged from deep underground to strike at UNECOM facilities. They soon found themselves overwhelmed, even with Guardian help. Leader-1, Turbo, Small Foot, and Scooter, notably, got trounced by a squad of King Talpidae's forces. Leader-1 realized that a military response was futile, and opted for diplomacy instead. He had his team surrender to a Mole Patrol, then asked to parley.
King Talpidae listened to Leader-1 with interest, then questioned me. I, of course, told the gullible monarch exactly what he wanted to hear. He seemed torn... then settled on a fight to the death between Leader-1's team and my own to see who was telling the truth. Not wanting to risk defeat, I promised the King's number two, Lady Scaptonyx, that if she helped me cheat I would help her depose her King and become Queen of the Mole Men. The decisive moment of the battle came, and Scaptonyx shot Leader-1 in the back when all eyes were on Cop-Tur's diversion. We emerged victorious, and the King was content to continue his military assault on the surface. He ordered the Guardians sent to the Monopole Mines as punishment. I outed Lady Scaptonyx as a traitor as well, for I had no desire to upset the apple cart and I was certain he suspected her intentions were less than honorable.
Unfortunately for me, this turned out to be a mistake. In the mines, Lady Scaptonyx became a Guardian ally, and helped them escape and navigate the maze-like tunnels back to the Royal Mole Palace. With her help, Leader-1 bested me in combat before the monarch. Lady Scaptonyx begged her liege's forgiveness and exposed the deal she had made with me. Realizing the day was lost, my Renegades and I blasted our way to the surface and escaped into the night. King Talpidae returned the Mole Men to a state of neutrality, and hoped that UNECOM and the Guardians could forgive him for making mistakes. "That's all right," remarked Turbo, "even a King's gotta be wrong some times, right?"