On the Rocks (Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric)
On the Rocks is a fictional story in the Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric series. Written in 2016, it retroactively took place in an unaired second season of the Challenge of the GoBots animated series.
The Rock Lords sign a treaty with the Guardian GoBots.
The following was first posted on the Renegade Rhetoric Facebook page on December 28th, 2015.
Dear Cy-Kill, Do you worry about how friendly Leader-1 and Boulder seem to be?
Cy-Kill: It is difficult to get too concerned over the comings and goings of those sedimentary simpletons. Of course, a wise leader isolates and contains his enemies from their allies, no matter how ineffective said allies seem to be.
Not long after our first visit to Quartex, Boulder and Solitaire flew to GoBotolis to formalize a peace treaty between the Rock Lords and the Guardians. They brought with them Pulver-Eyes, the dolomite dope, and Rock Roller, a Shock Rock none of the Guardians had encountered before, as well as their pet narliphant. Between Pulver-Eyes' uncouth behavior, perpetually snacking on rocks, and Rock Roller's status as an outsider, I sensed an opportunity, and acted accordingly. I sent two of my sneakiest Renegades, Bug Bite and Spoiler, to GoBotron to make it look as though the Rock Lords in general, and Rock Roller in particular, couldn't be trusted. Bug Bite in particular delighted in making Rock Roller look like a shifty schist.
Things started off with a bang, when, during a tour of GoBotolis main power station, Rock Roller was lured into a side chamber, which blew up shortly. Of course, it was actually Bug Bite who created that marvelous explosion that blacked out half of the city, but Turbo was quick to judge. He pointed out that the Guardians didn't really know anything about the Rock Lords, and wondered how they could be trusted. Leader-1 reminded him of the importance of the alliance, with enemies such as me, the Master Renegade, and Dr. Braxis at large in the galaxy, and the diplomacy continued.
Our next bit of subterfuge came while the Rock Lords were touring the GoBotron Fortress, Leader-1's primary base on GoBotron. With the fortress on backup battery power, the garrison commander, Defendor, asked to postpone the visit, but Leader-1 insisted that events proceed as scheduled. That was, needless to say, a mistake on the part of the senile old fool. Spoiler slipped onto the base with Boulder and his entourage, and again waited for an opportunity. That came when Rock Roller got into an argument with Turbo over his interest in the GoBotron Fortress' pinpoint defense grid and stormed off. As soon as he was out of sight of the rest of the party, Spoiler blew the ammunition store, rendering the fortress helpless. Even better, Leader-1 was knocked unconscious by the blast.
That was the last straw for Turbo, now in acting command of the Guardians. Although he was only certain of Rock Roller's complicity, he ordered all of the Rock Lords arrested just to be safe. The ever-suspicious Hans-Cuff was more than happy to comply with his commands. Pulver-Eyes and Rock Roller wanted to resist, but Bolder ordered them to stand down. Turbo also readied the planet for the Renegade invasion he deduced was coming, now that the Rock Lords had completed their sabotage.
With GoBotolis experiencing rolling blackouts and the GoBotron Fortress out of commission, I decided to press the attack, being sure to loudly praise the Rock Lords for their part in making it possible. Everything should have gone perfectly... except for the small matter that GoBot prisons are not built to handle Jewel Lords. Solitaire converted to her diamond form and deflected the energy beams of her cell, freeing herself and her compatriots.
As my Renegades pressed our advantage, we found ourselves outflanked from Boulder and his minions, attacking from behind. Rock Roller converted to his boulder configuration and rolled through us, knocking us down like bowling pins. With our formation in disarray, Cop-Tur let slip that the Guardians would never believe the Rock Lords to be evil now, prompting Crasher and I to shout at him to shut up. It was too late, Turbo had overheard. With my plan to discredit the Rock Lords in shambles and our attack thwarted, I did the sensible thing and withdrew.
A few days later, Leader-1 was fully repaired. Zeemon presided over a ceremony where Leader-1 and Boulder each signed an electronic treaty. Turbo apologized to Rock Roller and they shook hands. Zeemon proudly proclaimed that Quartex and GoBotron would forever hence be allies, and there was much cheering. The narliphant even jumped into Scooter's arms to be stroked.
I would have been more worried if the Rock Lords weren't so utterly useless.Some day I shall rule GoBotron from this very fortress, turning a Guardian redoubt into a Renegade citadel!
- On December 21st, 2015 the Ask Vector Prime Facebook page posted a fictional list of the unaired episodes of Challenge of the GoBots season 2, which listed "On the Rocks" as season 2 episode 11, which was supposed to air October 16th, 1986.
- The illustration of the GoBotron Fortress depicts it being guarded by several Guardian Rumble Boomers.
- "On the Rocks". Written by Jim Sorenson. Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric. October 16th, 1986/January 29th, 2016. No. 11, season 1.